runlikejoy

Displaced Stay At Home Californian in rural N. Carolina

Displaced Stay at Home Californian

Displaced Stay at Home Californian

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Vacation

We are on a 2 week vacation in California and it has been really nice.  I was able to complete my goal of swimming 20 laps without stopping or using the kick board, I was able to sleep alone in the guest bedroom and stay up late watching all sorts of fun shows that I've never seen before;  (Naked and Afraid, Naked Dating, Silicon Valley) I have been out to some of the yummiest Thai food, Vietnamese food and hopefully soon some Korean food.  I've seen friends and family and friends and can't wait to see more.  The girls have played and stayed up late and swam, played with cousins, had too much sugar and we are only one week into our time here.

It is funny that now we own our own home my mind keeps going to our home and I keep thinking about how much I love our home and how I can't wait to get back and get back into the swing of things and school and chores and lessons and pets and friends.  Isn't that funny?  I really love not having to cook or clean or work but the thought of getting back to MY own space beckons to me.  Hang on Pittsboro, I'll be back soon.




Food Shame

When I was about 12 or 13 and started to go through puberty I started to put on weight.  It wasn't a lot of weight but in my memory I was about as fat as a cow or a large water buffalo.  I remember one morning being told that as a family we would now be running laps at a local field before school or breakfast.  I remember it starting out as a family affair and the just whittling down to me and my mom pretty quickly.  No one else in the family needed to do laps I guess.  I also remember being asked or told to leave the table after one helping of dinner while others stayed.

Whether or not this was a smart dietary decision on the part of my mom, I can tell you that all it did was make me want to cry and I felt like a cow or large water buffalo as I picked up my plate and headed to the kitchen.  To this day I do not being told what to eat or what not to eat.  When people say, "try this it is delicious" I tend to think they are lying.  After all, if you have to tell people it is delicious instead of letting them decide for themselves, most likely it tastes like ass.

The other day I was at the table eating chips and chatting and the bag of chips was taken away from in front of me and I was told that they were too full of salt and to save some for other people.  I got up and walked away.  I got weepy.  And I felt like I did when I was 15 or 16 and I was told to leave the table after one serving.  I can't shake that feeling that I am a fat little kid that doesn't look like any of my brothers or sister and that the only way to get me to fit into whatever mental picture my mother has as ideal for her daughter is to shame her away from the food.

I'll shake it off - I know i will because that is how i am.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Entering

I went to the doctor last week and I got a letter today and it goes like this:  "Dear Mrs. McKeon:  Your lab work from your last visit has come back and indicates the following:  You do not have diabetes, Your thyroid function is normal and your FHS level shows that you have entered menopause.

Entered?  My first thought was how long before I can exit?  The good news is that now I know why I have sweat beads that pop out of my knee caps when I'm wearing jeans and when I stand up a look like my knees are weeping.  But the bad news is that I have sweat beads popping out of my knees when I'm wearing jeans and you get the rest.  And it makes me a little crazy.  And it makes me a little anxious.

But . . . at least I know now where the insomnia, headaches, crazy person and freakish behavior comes from.  And yes, I am blaming everything on the menopause.


Friday, July 25, 2014

Ketchup

I went to the doctor last week and I got a new blood pressure medicine to accompany the one I currently take which does nothing for my blood pressure in my opinion.  And since I started taking this new pill I have had nearly a week of insomnia, hot flashes and irritability.  I have to back up.

About 2 months ago I started having night sweats.  For anyone out there who has gone through this, it is the nasty habit of waking up at 2am and feeling like your head is 20 degrees hotter than your body and is drenched in sweat.  It is not fun.  About 6 weeks ago the hot flashes started and they literally are what they sound like.  You are sitting there one moment enjoying your cappuccino or your latte and the next you are trying to figure out why you have sweat beads popping out of your forearms.  I had sweat drops dripping out of my hair a couple of days ago at a PTA meeting.  It is not pleasant but better than a mammogram on the list of uncomfortable things that women have to go through after a certain age.

Anyway - I have had these bouts of insomnia before but this one is particularly kicking my ass.  I'm tired.  I'm tired.  I'm tired.  But when I lay down and the lights go out, I'm wide awake.  I am also exercising a lot lately and it has been swimming so I don't get why all the fatigue until I'm in a laying down position.  Very confusing.

But the good news is that in a week I will be in Sunny California with my ladies and we will begin a 2 week whirlwind of visiting friends and family and Asian restaurants.  I texted my brother and told him that we had to meet up for some coffee and to catch up to which he replied, "Coffee and Ketchup, yummy".


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Real conversation between two 10 year old girls

Ever wondered what 10 year old girls talk about?

Friend:  I don't like to go to Katie's house because her Mom smokes and it smells bad inside.  And Katie's 16 year old sister smokes too and there is all this beer all over the place and in the kitchen and all they do is smoke cigars and stuff and drink beer even the 16 year old.

My kid:  That is smelly isn't it?

Friend:  Yeah and when you open up the dresser drawers there are all these ashes and all these pretty plates all over the place full of ashes and cigars.  And she asks me all the time to sleep over but I don't know what to say.

My kid:  Why don't you tell her that you don't like it?

Friend:  I don't want to hurt her feelings.

My kid:  You can die from cigarettes.  Michael Jackson died from taking too many cigarettes.  (No matter how many times I've told them that this is not how he died they ALWAYS say this and it drives me crazy)

Friend:  And it is really hot in their house.  She got a divorce and she doesn't have money to turn on the air conditioning and since she stays home all day she just leaves all the doors and windows closed and smokes and drinks beer.  Across the street is Katie's step-mom and she has a big house and air conditioning.  And she goes outside to smoke her cigars.  That way the inside stays nice and clean and smells good.

My kid:  Susan at school started crying because her mom and dad got a divorce and she hadn't seen her dad in a long time and she found out she was going to see him and she started crying because she was so excited.

Friend:  Well Katie's mom and step-mom were best friends but then the dad stopped being married to the mom and moved across the street to be with the step-mom.  He said he was working all the time but he was really smoking cigars across the street with the best friend.

My kid:  That is really sad.

This is when I jumped in the conversation and gave them a lecture on second hand smoke inhalation and the effects of absenteeism parenting.

Why I am loving this place

Tonight I stopped on my way home from the store because a woman had her flashers on and was stopped in the middle of the road.  I leaned my head out as she was getting back in her car and slowed way down and asked "is everything ok?" and she smiled broadly and replied, "Yup, just helping the turtle cross the road".

This is why I am loving Chatham County.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Denial

I have had a difficult time coming up with something interesting or uplifting to write about.  As a writer I would like to pick my own topics and write about what I want to write about but as a writer I have found that if it includes sensitive people, family members, relatives, people that are unable to read something written about themselves or anything less than positive then I might get the cold shoulder or the silent treatment.

Human beings are really strange.  We love to judge and tell others what is not working, what they are doing wrong and what we don't like about them (to others, not to their faces) but we don't want anyone to know we are doing that.  There is this human component that keeps us from blurting out what we do or do not like about other people.  We only tell them the good things.

If a dog runs up to another dog and sniffs and doesn't like what they see, they don't play nice-nice until they walk away - they bare their teeth, growl, bark and snarl and sometimes attack the animal they do not like.  If we act like dogs we are called (and I refer to women) bitches, snarky, catty, opinionated, judgemental, grating, confrontational and all sorts of other not so nice words that are not very complimentary of women.

I have found that when I was in my 20's I could be a real bitch.  When I was in my 30's I could be a real bitch too.  But having children has mellowed me some.  Partly due to not wanting to invest a lot of energy in stuff that I think is stupid and not wanting to get sucked into dysfunctional family stuff and staying out of it.  But when that dysfunction lands in my living room and stays here for a pretty lengthy period of time it is really hard to ignore it. (have I mentioned that I do enjoy complaining at length instead of being a bitch?)

I will say this:  the dysfunction isn't welcome back.  Somehow and sometime soon I will have to address that but it isn't welcome back and it isn't something I want anything to do with.  I've been in therapy for years to work at identifying my problems and fix them and so should you.  If you are not willing to do so - I'm not willing to be around you.